Salaam: Just some jokes I thought I might share...
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How do you make a foolish person busy all day????
PUT HIM IN A ROUND ROOM AND TELL HIM TO SIT IN A CORNER.
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Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?
Pupil: One dollar.
Teacher: You don't know your arithmetic.
Pupil: You don't know my father !
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Three men were in the hospital waiting room when the nurse rushed in and said to the first man, "Sir, you're the father of twins."
"Hey! Isn't that a coincidence!" he replied. "I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team."
Later, the nurse came in and said to the second man, "Sir, you're the father of triplets."
"Gee!" the man exclaimed. "Another coincidence! I'm with the 3M Company."
The third man jumped to his feet, grabbed his hat and said, "I'm getting out of here. I work for 7-UP!"
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The English Language: Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?. Let's face it. English is a crazy language. There is no egg in the eggplant, no ham in the hamburger, and neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England. French fries were not invented in France. We sometimes take English for granted, but if we examine its paradoxes we find that Quicksand takes you down slowly, Boxing rings are square. And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. If writers write, how come fingers don't fing. If the plural of tooth is teeth. Shouldn't the plural of booth be beeth, If the teacher taught, Why didn't the preacher praught. If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what the does a humanitarian eat? Why do people recite at a play, yet play at a recital; Park on driveways and Drive on parkways? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language where a house can burn up as it burns down; And in which you fill in a form by filling it out. And a bell is only heard once it goes! English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (Which of course isn't a race at all) That is why when the stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out they are invisible, and why it is that when I wind up my watch it starts, but when I wind up this observation, it ends.
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A man left the cold snowy streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.
Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before.
When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Your Loving Husband.
PS: Sure is hot down here.
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Three men are in a hot-air balloon. Soon, they find themselves lost in a canyon somewhere. One of the three men says, "I've got an idea. We can call for help in this canyon and the echo will carry our voices far."
So he leans over the basket and yells out, "Hellllooooo! Where are we?" (They hear the echo several times).
Two minutes later they hear this echoing voice: "Hellllooooo! You're lost!!"
One of the men says, "That must be a mathematician." Puzzled, one of the other men asks, "Why do you say that?"
He replies: "For three reasons. (1) he took a long time to answer, (2) he was absolutely correct, and (3) his answer was absolutely useless."
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This poem was written by Jon Saxton (an author of math textbooks).
((12 + 144 + 20 + (3 * 4^(1/2))) / 7) + (5 * 11) = 9^2 + 0
Or for those who have trouble reading the poem:
A Dozen, a Gross and a Score,
plus three times the square root of four,
divided by seven, plus five times eleven,
equals nine squared and not a bit more.
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And finally......
A girl holding a baby walks into a drug store and asks the clerk if she can use the store's baby scale.
"Sorry, ma'am," says the clerk. "Our baby scale is broken. But we can figure the baby's weight if we weigh mother and baby together on the adult scale, and then weigh the mother alone, and subtract the second number from the first."
"Oh, that won't work," says the girl.
"Why not?" asks the clerk.
"Because," she answers, "I'm not the mother - I'm the aunt."
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Source:
http://moonsighting.com/math_jokes.htmlSalaam
